Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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