3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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