I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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