i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
