first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
