everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
