He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
