I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
