fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Life is so much better after having sex.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
