exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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