My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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