yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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