Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
