I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
