the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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