so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
