So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
