just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
