god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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