Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
