is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
His nipple licking is glorious
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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