Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
