No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
