I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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