Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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