I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
