Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My vagina just clenched in fear
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
