I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
