Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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