i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
