I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
