This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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