What a fucking waste of an outfit
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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