What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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