.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
