i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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