so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
