I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
