my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
