Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
not ubering you a puppy
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
