I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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