Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
