I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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