Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
