can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
