I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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