Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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