So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
