Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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