Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
