My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
