he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
