There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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