but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There's always time for handjobs
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
