You're my little dorito
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
