oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
