So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
