I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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