Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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