i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
