My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
