i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
