I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
