Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize