let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
