Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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