I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
