Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Randomize
