I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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