Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
