Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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