i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
