this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize