This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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