she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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