I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
