I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
