I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
