Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
