I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She just used a chaser for red wine.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
