a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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