please come you make the beer taste better
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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