and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
