she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize