I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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