she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
