Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
