Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize