She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
