You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
