Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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