At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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