STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
