the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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