I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
